


Terra Nova

by httpstiles



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Hurt Shiro (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lance (Voltron) Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, Physical Disability, Post-Season/Series 06, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Scars, phantom limb syndrome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 02:58:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15596703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/httpstiles/pseuds/httpstiles
Summary: After everything that’s been happening, two of Voltron’s members have a lot going on in their heads. One has a secret that’s been eating away at him mentally and physically, and the other harbors guilt and insecurities that don’t seem to be fading.It seems that only they are what the each other need as they try to find their ground once again.AKA that time that Shiro and Lance talked out all of their post-season six issues and decided to take a chance at healing.





	Terra Nova

**Author's Note:**

> This was written pre-season 7 trailer. Also no "Underage" warning as I headcanon Lance to be 18.

After the meeting, Shiro can’t help but feel most of the team deflate a bit. They’d all seen this coming, but hearing it for themselves is another story. 

There are loose ends to tie up with the Altean colony, as well as struggles with Galra on Galra warfare and the turn of many of them against Voltron after Lotor’s disappearance. There are also plans to be made with the Voltron Coalition, yet there is only so much they can actually do without a ship.

The goal is to get to Earth, but without the technology to create a wormhole big enough to get them close enough, there’s no set timeline. 

Keith and Pidge seem least affected, the former being almost completely indifferent and the latter only feeling a tad upset about the delay.

The news takes a visible toll on Lance and Hunk, though, both having been excited to begin the journey home– essentially the journey to see their families again. 

“C’mon,” Hunk whispers to Lance, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “Let’s just go get some rest before tomorrow.” Lance nods and follows along silently. Pidge is distracted, but a glance at Keith tells Shiro that the other saw it too. Shiro feels bad for the two, but there isn’t much that any of them can do to better the situation. 

Shiro looks back at Allura talking with Ryner and a few other higher-ranking representatives of the Olkari. He doesn’t notice Keith slide up next to him. 

“What do you think about Ryner’s offer?” Keith asks.

Shiro thinks back to the start of the meeting. The Olkari’s kind leader had offered him something he’d almost forgotten he needed. He wasn’t sure the reality of it had even set in yet; he was pretty sure he was supposed to feel something stronger than  _ this– _ something  _ at all _ about his arm.

“I haven’t given it thought yet,” he admits. He looks down at the rough skin, barely protruding past the short sleeve.

“Well, you have time,” Keith responds encouragingly, and not for the first time, Shiro wonders when the tables turned and Keith became his rock. 

 

—

 

Settling back into the team’s dynamic is odd for more than a couple reasons, the main being that everyone seems to have grown so much and that the roles and what each of them give to the team have definitely changed. 

Shiro looks at Keith and can barely wrap his head around the fact that the boy isn’t really a boy anymore and aged two whole years in his time with his mom— though he hasn’t really been a boy for a lot longer than that. It’s obvious that it did him well, though, if there’s anything to be said about how he leads them. He’s more level headed and seems less on guard than he used to be. Keith’s mom broke down barriers and gave him understanding that Shiro never could, and he couldn’t be more proud to see him out of his shell. 

He can still remember Keith sitting in Black, begging the lion not to choose him. When the controls lit up, it had been both Shiro and Black making their choice. 

From that moment on, Shiro had been able to see a lot of what happened through the Black Lion. There are gaps that he wouldn’t be able to fill without someone telling him, but no one seems to be in a rush to take on that job, and to be fair, Shiro isn’t really asking anyone to. 

Especially not after he tried to talk to Lance. 

Lance had changed, too, and in ways Shiro wasn’t expecting. There were things he’d caught glimpses of, like Lance attempting to will the Black Lion to life. He remembers it mostly in flickers, as if he’d been dreaming it. He also remembers looking down on the group as Keith told them what happened. Right before Allura came to him and popped him right back into this body, Lance had been crying over it…  _ him _ .

The boy had matured, flirting and joking less at inappropriate times. He offered more advice, more strategic planning, and a neutral ground in disputes amongst the team when it came down to the hard decisions. When Keith left, he’d taken on more responsibility, so Shiro thought that it was Lance he could turn to for answers and a little guidance, and he was proven wrong. 

In the first week that Shiro was back, Lance distanced himself. At first, it seemed to be from him alone, but after a couple conversations with Hunk, he discovered that Lance seemed to be distancing from the whole team. He didn’t voice this to Hunk, though, not wanting to create an issue where there wasn’t one, and decided he could to get to the bottom of it himself.

So, naturally, the former leader figured that communication was the fix, and sought his team member out. 

 

_ “Hey, Lance?” The boy startled and squashed the fruit that he was holding.  _

_ “Oh! Uh! Hey Shiro. You sca–artled, startled me.” He looked more than just startled, though, he looked  _ uncomfortable _ just to be standing in front of him.  _

_ “Sorry,” Shiro said sheepishly. “That wasn’t my intention.” He offered a small smile in hopes to lighten the mood, but Lance’s stance hadn’t changed.  _

_ “Yeah, so, did you need something?”  _

_ “Yes, actually. I have a couple of questions. I wanted to know what’s been happening. I know some of it, but there are gaps.”  _

_ “Why not ask Keith?”  _

_ “He wasn’t here for all of what the team went through,” he explained, “but you were.”  _

_ Lance considered this and nodded along. He looked at Shiro again and cracked his knuckles anxiously.  _

_ “Is this not a good time?”  _

_ “No! It’s–” Lance looked away. “Actually, yeah, I don’t think it’s a good time.” And he rushed away before Shiro could ask what was wrong.  _

 

The conversation only proved to Shiro that something was wrong, but he still can’t wrap his head around what. 

Before, Lance was always around, whether he was joking or laughing, or trying to learn something new from Shiro. And Shiro wasn’t oblivious; he knew he was held in some high regard to the paladin. In their first few weeks in space, Keith had complained to him about it.

 

_ “He has this weird image of who you are in his head. You’re like his hero or something.”  _

 

Keith had considered it weird, and Shiro didn’t know what to make of it. After being chosen for the Kerberos mission, he’d been told many times that he was an inspiration, but no one called him their hero. 

Thinking on it now, Shiro has a feeling this was a bit different than what Keith thought it to be. He also has a feeling that something drastically shifted, and it might have to do with the clone that took on his place. 

 

—

 

The temporary residence that the team has taken up is at the top of a tall building on the edge of what the Olkari consider to be the hub of their city. The accommodations are more than enough, and Shiro appreciates the privacy that separate rooms offer, scattered a bit a more than they had been in the Castle. There, each of the paladins had rooms directly across from and next to each other. Here, the women have taken the top level of the building, and the boys had taken the one below, each having its own up and downstairs, similar to a condo Shiro lived in for a short time, although much bigger. On each level, there are five rooms, a decent sized kitchen, and a lounging area. 

It’s in the lounging area on the boys’ level that they meet up to talk about the day ahead. 

Allura, Krolia, Keith, Hunk, and Coran are heading to a grand opening of an agora, where there will be many entertainers and shops, while Pidge is going to be traveling to a nearby planet to pick up Matt. 

Matt who Shiro can hardly believe is alive. He remembered the team finding him, but with memories from his time in the Black Lion fading in and out, it felt like a dream. Shiro can hardly wait.

This leaves him and Lance behind. Shiro isn’t sure as to why the boy is staying, but doesn’t question it. 

After everyone departs, Lance nods at Shiro before making his way to the showers. 

Shiro turns to the kitchen to attempt to fix himself a meal. 

It’s not until he’s standing in front of the counter, ingredients for the Olkarion version of a salad, that Shiro realizes he hasn’t had to do this yet.

He hasn’t had to do much of anything for himself, so it’s only now in this moment that he realizes he doesn’t really know how. 

Flashes of Keith helping him dress and Hunk placing food in front of everyone come to mind. He’s been so weak, and adjusting to a physical body again had been so time consuming, he hadn’t realized  _ why _ Keith was helping him, that this body wasn’t even the same– more alarmingly it wasn’t  _ his _ .

Shiro grasps at the skin where his arm use to connect to the Galra one– or rather, where  _ this body’s arm had _ . 

A hysterical laugh bubbles out as he realizes he never really did feel like he’d lost his arm. It’d been replaced before he even knew what was happening. He couldn’t even remember if he’d lost it in a fight or if Haggar had simply done it for the hell of it. Maybe it was to make him a better fighter? More entertaining? 

 

Now, as he clenches his fist, a wave of nausea running through him, he’s feeling it’s absence. 

Part of him can’t even tell that there’s nothing there, so when he opens his eyes–  _ when did I even shut them?–  _ and sees nothing where he could have sworn he was reaching for the counter, a startled shout escapes his lips. 

He loses himself in the pain and panic.

 

Lance is just finishing with his shower when he hears a small clatter from somewhere on their level. He knows Shiro is around, but something about the sound seems out of place. Lance hasn’t seen Shiro do much but socialize, so he finds it odd that he’d do something when no one is around to join. 

He hears it again. Lance nearly slips as he rushes out of the bathroom in his robe, trying to hear the source. 

He catches a hitched and heavy breathing from downstairs and makes his way to the kitchen, only to find Shiro, body pressed against the side of the counter in the middle of what seems to be a panic attack. 

“Shiro!” Lance calls out, mostly in surprise. “Shiro, what’s wrong?” He falls to his knees in front of his friend and tries to get Shiro to look at him. 

“My arm,” he grunts through his teeth. Lance looks down where Shiro’s left hand is fisted. He reaches for it, but Shiro snatches it away from his touch. “ _The_ _other_ _one_ ,” he hisses. 

Lance tries not to flinch away from his tone as it dawns on him. 

“Shiro, your arm– your arm shouldn’t hurt. Your nerves from the metal connec–”

“I know!” he yells, sounding more exasperated than angry this time. A hard sob escapes his lips. Shiro’s breathing is erratic now, and Lance tries to think back. 

_ One of his uncles went through this before. _

_ What was it called?  _

“Just leave!” Shiro yells.

“I can help! Just–”

_ Phantom limb.  _

 

Lance jumps up, racing to the front room. Shiro wants to yell more, but he cuts himself short when the other boy comes back with one of the lengthy mirrors from another room. 

Lance is saying things that Shiro can’t quite process, manhandling him into a different sitting position. He places the mirror between Shiro’s legs. 

“Look at it!” Lance yells, probably not for the first time based on his tone. 

With no other option, Shiro does. 

“Look at your  _ arm. _ ” Lance jabs at the mirror and Shiro catches sight of his left arm. 

But in the mirror it looks like his right. 

“Don’t look anywhere else but there.” Lance commands. “I’m calling Coran.”

The boy is gone before Shiro can protest. 

 

—

 

Shiro is embarrassed. 

Keith and Coran have already told him he shouldn’t be, the latter already feeling bad for not having foreseen this as something that could happen. Apparently, this was something that Alteans had also dealt with. 

 

“Hey,” Hunk greets, stepping into Shiro’s room to join the three. “You okay?” 

Shiro tilts his head in thought. “Better,” he decides on. “‘Okay’ is still somewhere in the undetermined future.” 

Hunk frowns, but doesn’t look pitying. 

“Look,” Hunk speaks up again, “I know you’re recovering from that panic attack, but I need ask you something.” Hunk glances back at Keith and Coran. “I need to tell you something, too,

preferably in private.” Keith looks intrigued, but doesn’t say anything as Coran obliges and pulls the boy along with him to exit the room. 

Shiro adjusts himself to sit up, and Hunk leans against the foot of the bed. 

“What’s going on?” Shiro prompts. 

Hunk runs his hand through his hair and scratches at his chin. 

“Okay, so– I uh, I know you didn’t mean to be rude and you were dealing with… with  _ this _ , but did you yell at Lance?”

Shiro winces at the memory.

“Yeah,” he admits lowering his head and rubbing at his neck. “I know he was trying to help, but in that moment it was just–”

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” Hunk cuts in. “I get it. I just needed to know if you did.” 

“Why?”

“Look, Lance has been struggling a lot lately. I don’t know if you’ve noticed–”

“I’ve noticed all of him avoiding us,” Shiro mutters. “I tried to talk to him, so I could fill the missing pieces of the last couple months. He didn’t want to talk, though.” 

“That’s–” Hunk sighs and turns his head up toward the ceiling. “Okay, what I’m going to tell you never reaches anyone else’s ears or eyes, okay?”

Shiro nods with an, “Of course,” sensing how sensitive the topic seems to be. 

“Lance  _ is _ avoiding you, but it’s not because of whatever you’ve conjured up in your head as the answer.” 

“I haven’t–”

“Fine,” Hunk huffs out, “but hear me out when I say that whatever it is is not why Lance is avoiding you. If it was then he wouldn’t be pulling away from me too.” 

“Then  _ why is he _ ?”

“Because of his dad.” 

All of Shiro’s thought processes come to a halt as he tries to make sense of this one thing. 

“What about his dad?” 

“Lance doesn’t have any issues with us. He has them with his asshole of a father.” 

 

So Hunk tells Shiro stories, ones that he feels he has no right to be hearing unless it were Lance himself sharing, but it’s clear as to why it’s  _ not  _ Lance. He tells Shiro of the clone’s actions, the things that he did around the team as well as others that Lance told Hunk of that happened in private. 

“Lance has his problems,” Hunk concludes. “Most of them he manages, but this is something that’s kind of always stuck with him and some of what the clone did in your place triggered memories. So, it’s not even you he’s bothered by, and we didn’t do anything to him; it’s the memories and the headspace he’s slipped into. And it’s something else he’s been hiding from us all these past few months, something I can tell is eating at him but that he refuses to talk about. It’s not good and we need to figure out how to get him out.” 

 

—

 

The healing process is a long one. Shiro continues to go through episodes of panic in which someone– usually Keith or Allura– sits with him and a mirror and talks him through it. Unfortunately, the mirror is only a temporary fix, and he’s going to have to start finding different ways to cope.

He still refuses to let Ryner or any of her trusted leaders make him a new one. No one pushes the subject. He doesn’t share this, but he’d be happy to have a new arm, he’s just not sure that he wants any kind of space tech attached to him again any time soon. 

Matt coming back settles some of the anxiety that’s been welling in his chest, though. Seeing his younger crew member and friend in the flesh feels like another step in the right direction– like the loss of his arm actually meant something more than being the Galra’s entertainment and project, like maybe his time as a gladiator actually saved some people. 

Matt actually turns out to be one of the most reassuring voices of reason through Shiro’s own doubts. It doesn’t take long for the two to fall into old banter, even making jokes with references that they’d almost forgotten. 

“The Galra can’t take it all from us,” Matt asserts. 

It’s during one of their conversations when it really hits Matt. Shiro is talking about some of his favorite experiences with Voltron, and Matt’s eyes just melt, in a way that Shiro has only ever seen Pidge do. 

“What? Is it something I said?” The two are sitting on the couch, bodies facing each other. Matt shakes his head and tugs on the blanket around Shiro’s shoulders, a lame attempt to engulf the guy as if it might protect him from all the damage he’s already been dealt. 

“No,” Matt mumbles in response. “I just,” Matt’s mouth twists into a frown. “I’m sorry we didn’t realize.” 

Shiro’s heart absolutely drops and he reaches forward, placing his hand on the other’s shoulder.

“You couldn’t have known,” he insists. “No one knew.”

Matt denies him with a hard, “ _ No _ ,” and grabs Shiro’s wrist. “Sitting here and talking with you now is– it’s eye-opening. The clone may have pulled off your interests and, to an extent, your personality, but it didn’t even come close to the getting down the part that actually makes you  _ you _ .”

Shiro appreciates the sentiment, but the team not knowing it wasn’t him isn’t even his biggest frustration.

It was him who let the team down. He let the clone in. It’s his fault the team was nearly torn apart.

Shiro doesn’t say that, though. He thanks Matt and the two move on to talk about Matt’s time with the rebels.

 

—

 

Lance gets better, too. It’s slow going, but he gets to a point where he’s not avoiding Shiro anymore, so that’s a glass half full in his book. Though, there’s still something bugging the boy. Hunk may have told him about Lance’s father, but there’s more to it.

Now that Shiro sees the other more often, it’s hard to miss the distant look he gets in his eyes sometimes.

There are moments where the guys are resting on the couches and Shiro will catch Lance glancing out of one of the windows, but he’s not actually looking at anything, he’s lost in thought.

Shiro catches him crying one night. Everyone is asleep, most have been for hours now. Shiro’s only come out of his room for water when he sees Lance sitting on the couch staring out the window again. He’s in the same position as he’d been when Shiro left him a while ago. 

“Lance?” he calls out. Lance only turns his face into his arm to hide away. A muffled sniffle breaks the silence and Shiro makes haste down the last of the steps to the bottom floor. He nearly trips on a fallen blanket before reaching Lance. 

“Lance, what’s wrong?” Lance shakes his head refusing to look up. “I know there’s been some tension between us, and I’m sorry for any trouble I caused, but I’m always going to be here for you.” 

Lance’s head shoots up, and he’s shaking his head. 

“ _ No _ , Shiro. Just– no. That’s not,” Lance sighs heavily, a couple more tears falling down his face. He scrubs them away as if he can still hide the fact that he’s been crying from Shiro. “You didn’t do anything. I thought Hunk talked to you?”

“You know about that?” Shiro questions. 

“Well, I kind of asked him to. I wasn’t in the right mindset to explain myself, but I didn’t want you thinking it was about  _ you _ .” 

“Right. It’s about what the  _ clone  _ did.” 

“Stop twisting what I’ve said!” Lance whisper-shouts, grabbing at his arm. “That  _ thing _ reminded me of my dad, okay? It’s not your fault that it treated me the same way my dad did.” 

“How is it not my fault?” Shiro challenges. “ _ I _ let him pilot the Black Lion.  _ I  _ knew it wasn’t me, but I let him in because you guys were in danger. How is that  _ not _ on me?”

The words punch through Lance’s chest and he wonders how long Shiro has been harboring that guilt.

“Because you’re our leader and friend!” Lance insists. “Even if you hadn’t let him into the Black Lion, we would have let him into the team. We thought it was you, and you are still going to be part of Voltron even if you aren’t a pilot.” 

For someone known for talking a lot, Shiro had always wondered if the boy had a filter because  _ how can someone say so much without having to think about it first?  _ But Shiro’s quickly learning that he’s been underestimating him, because he can tell that the words were carefully chosen. Doubts that he’s been having about his place in the team come to light, and Lance has just cleared his chest of all the weight he’s been feeling pressing down in just a few sentences.

“Lance,” he whispers, barely loud enough to hear. He’s not calling his name to get his attention. Lance is already giving him his sole focus.  

“Lance,” he says again, this time like it’s an answer to his prayers. Shiro leans over and pulls Lance into a hug before Lance can even tell what’s happening. 

Lance tightens his grip around the broad shoulders and feels his fearless leader falling apart. Lance has a feeling this is the healing kind of pain; he can work with that. 

 

— 

 

They never talk about why Lance was crying that night, but it ends up not being the last night that they spend together. As their stay extends into a third week, the two find an unexpected friendship forming, something deeper than their friendship as teammates. At night, when Lance can’t sleep, Shiro is always there talking to him. Shiro never shared much about his family before, but now he tells Lance the stories he’s kept to himself for so long, ones that only Keith knows. Lance talks to him too, sharing of times that are similar to Shiro’s and even ones completely different. 

 

The realization comes during a little hang out.

 

“Tease all you want,” Matt shrugs in response to Lance’s comments, “but the girl’s level is much more clean than down here. Not to mention, Pidge has the game console.” 

Krolia enters the room with Keith and his dog creature in tow. 

“An organized base of operations is crucial to efficient planning and possible ambush,” Krolia points out. “Do you want to trip on a shirt while you’re running to your bayard and die?”

The room grows silent, but Keith snickers under his breath. 

“You said they would laugh.” She turns to Keith with a glare. 

“We’ll work on your approach later,” he assures her with a smile. 

And ain’t that something? Everyone’s smiling now, but they’re all looking at Keith. 

“You have teeth!” Pidge shouts, an attempt at breaking the awkward moment they all just created.

“Of course he does!” Hunk butts in. “Haven’t you seen him snarl before?” 

Everyone breaks into laughter, and Keith huffs in annoyance before flopping onto the couch next to Shiro. Shiro nudges him and Keith smiles shyly. The younger boy knows they all mean well. A smiling Keith is something that can’t really stop taking everyone’s breath away, though.

Keith’s dog pops into the space between, nearly knocking Shiro out of his seat, and suddenly everyone is laughing harder 

Shiro looks to the others as he settles again, and as the laughter tapers off and everyone settles in for the Olkari version of Monsters and Mana, Shiro catches sight of Lance’s smile, and Lance is looking right at him. 

A feeling that Shiro had once thought he’d never feel again wells in his chest and lodges in his throat. 

Because Lance is smiling at him like he’s important. Lance, the one who’s helped him as much as Keith, in some ways more. Selfless and caring Lance who would do anything for the people he cares about. 

“Your face is red,” Keith whispers to him unhelpfully. “You okay?”

_ Fuck. _

 

—

 

Shiro continues to hang out with Lance, but tamps down his feelings in favor of trying to figure out what it is that is  _ still  _ bugging him. 

He doesn’t dare to bring it up himself because Lance always sees it coming and shuts down before Shiro can take it back. 

So it comes as a surprise when Lance is the one to bring it up, so much that Shiro almost doesn’t even noticed that  _ this is it _ .

 

“What was it like when you died?”

The question jolts him out of his comfort zone. It’s not that Shiro doesn’t want to talk about it, it’s just that no one has. Logically they all know that Shiro spent a long time dead, but when they find out one moment and suddenly he’s alive the next, he can’t imagine they ever really let his death sink in. It’s an unnecessary path of sadness that doesn’t need following. 

“You’re the first person to ask me that, you know?”

Lance's eyes widen. “Oh! I didn’t mean to overstep. I just–” Lance groans. 

“It’s okay, Lance. I just don’t know how to explain it,” he admits. “When I died, I didn’t feel it. I didn’t know until after.” Lance is quiet, but nods along, eyes unmoving from Shiro’s face. 

“It took me awhile to realize,” Shiro continues. “There were glimpses, like dreams, of you all in the lion, seeing who would take on as the leader. I didn’t really wake up until the Lion did. After that, I never felt  _ gone _ , just absent.”

“Because you could see through Black?” Lance questions.

“Yeah.”

“Allura thinks that you survived through your bond to Black,” Lance notes, playing with loose strings on the blanket he has wrapped around himself.

“She did once say that the quintessence we have is mirrored in our lions.” Shiro shrugs and scratches at his chin. “I don’t understand how that works really, but without science to explain it, the word logic of it seems sound.” 

Lance laughs silently, but says nothing else. 

“Why do you ask?”

Lance’s smile fades. 

“I don’t know,” he mumbles. “I guess part of me was hoping that you’d be able to understand.”

“What–?”

“But it was selfish of me to even compare–”

“Compare  _ what _ , Lance?”

Silence again. 

“Lance,” Shiro prompts. “Talk to me.” 

“Okay,” Lance gives in. “But you have to know I’m not– I’m not looking for your sympathy or whatever. I just– no one’s asked  _ me _ about it. I don’t even know if anyone but Allura knows, and it’s been eating at me. I can’t sleep and I can’t get out of this headspace that I’ve been in for  _ weeks  _ now…” 

Shiro eyes him and sees a man who’s pieces are everywhere but where they belong. He sees himself and that’s not something Shiro would wish upon anyone. 

“You can talk to me, Lance. You know that. I’m not going to judge or put your worries or pains on a scale beside someone else’s. Your struggles are your own and you can only ever truly know your own.” 

“I guess to sum it all up, right after Allura and Lotor came back from Oriande, we had to assist in the repairing of a shield that protected a planet from a radiation belt.” He pauses to rub at his eyes. “Something went wrong with the power, and the repair let off an energetic charge. I don’t know what it was really, but Allura was in the path of it so I just flew in and threw her out of the way. I got hit instead… It was pretty bad…” Lance doesn’t elaborate any more, so Shiro fills in the blank himself.

“You were hurt?” he guesses.

“I  _ died _ ,” Lance admits softly. “Allura did some kind of magic healing thingy, but I still have nightmares about it. One second it was blinding pain and I was screaming, and then the next I was awake in her arms, but I could still… I could still  _ feel _ it… all over.”

Shiro is speechless. He hadn’t even the faintest idea that anyone had been hurt during all this time away, and he’d never witnessed anything through the Black Lion. 

“Do you still feel it?” Shiro finally questioned. 

“Yeah. I do.”

 

—

 

It turns out that Lance still feeling his death wasn’t just about his bad headspace and the darkness he’s felt around him since. The event had come with constant body aches that he’d gotten so used to that he forgot to mention them when things settled down.

With a couple words of encouragement, Lance talks to Coran, who in turn talks to some healers on the planet. 

The therapy that comes as part of the treatment is actually really relaxing, in Lance’s opinion. The only struggle comes when the rest of the team finds out. 

Krolia, bless her oblivious soul, was the one who pointed out Lance’s small absences during the day. 

“Are you hurting?” she asks rather bluntly during dinner. 

At first Lance doesn’t even realize that she’s talking to him. Shiro and Keith can tell, though, and the sudden neglect of their own previous conversations pulls most everyone into giving her the floor.

“Lance,” she clarifies, and the boy sits up a bit more straight in his seat. “Are you hurting?” she questions again.

“What?” Lance feigns confusion, probably a little too much in Shiro’s opinion. 

“You are rigid and barely moving. For three days you disappear for roughly two vargas before coming back sore.”

“Lance,” Hunk chimes in, “is someone hurting you?”

The questions start piling in after that and Shiro can see that Lance is about to completely retreat.

“Enough!” Shiro shouts, standing just enough out of his seat to get everyone’s attention. “Lance?” Shiro looks to him with worried eyes. Lance nods back in return and Shiro settles back down.

“Krolia,” Lance addresses her directly. “Yes, I am hurt.” He turns to Hunk. “No, no one hurt me.” Then he tilts his head and starts rambling. “Well technically we can blame Sendak— I still can’t believe he’s still alive— and the radiation belt–” Allura gasps.

“Oh Lance!” she cries. Everyone turns to her and sees the tears welling in her eyes. “I’d never thought that there were any repercussions! You seemed fine I–” she cuts herself off. “I’m so sorry.”

Lance rocks a little in his seat and shakes his head. 

“I never said anything. I didn’t want you all to worry and there were more pressing issues.”

“Okay, wait a second!” Pidge jumps in, having to get onto her knees on her seat to see him from the other end of the table. “What in the quiznack are you all talking about?”

 

The rest of the night turns into a mess of emotions for everyone. Lance apologizes more than once and everyone assures him multiple times that he has nothing to be sorry for.

And when they ask him why it’s only now hurting more, Lance tells everyone of the therapy he’s doing. Lance doesn’t say how he got to that point, but Hunk must fill in the blanks himself because he looks to Shiro with a large smile on his face, and for the first time in awhile, Shiro feels like he really does still have a place on the team.

 

—

 

Shiro never planned on telling Lance of his feelings. He was perfectly content on being the shoulder to cry on when Lance needed it, but things don’t always go according to plan with him.

 

The only downside they’ve had in regards to their living space is that there’s one large bathroom that the guys have to share, however it’s nicer than some hotel ones on Earth, with sleek black walls, perfect lighting, and smooth stone floors. Apparently the Olkari have this set up in most familial homes. Luckily, most of them shower at different times, though, so they don’t often run into each other.

Today is one of those exceptions. 

Lance is just exiting one of the shower stalls when Shiro walks in. The room is still steamy, but Lance already has a towel around his waist. Shiro can tell that he didn’t bother to dry off much because water droplets are still flowing down his skin, falling to the floor or disappearing into the towel. He doesn’t notice Shiro, though. 

Lance turns, reaching to close the glass door behind him, and Shiro gasps at what he sees. Lance turns with wide eyes and surprise, but Shiro’s thoughts are going in twelve different directions. Lance might say something, but he doesn’t hear it as he walks right up to him, turning him by the shoulder so that he can face the scars once again.

Along his upper back and reaching down to the middle is raised skin, resembling that of a burn scar. And reaching from his neck down the back of his right arm, stopping just above his elbow, is what looks like a lichtenberg figure.

“Wh– Lance,” Shiro utters. “What are these from?” Lance tightens his grip on his towel and clears his throat.

“Well, uh, the burn looking one is from after our first Sendak encounter. The lightning looking one appeared after the second.”

Shiro runs his thumb over the one near his neck and Lance shivers.

“Sorry,” Shiro apologizes, but doesn’t remove his hand. “Does it hurt?”

“Not anymore,” he admits.

“And this one?” Shiro questions, gliding the back of his finger over the burn.

“I don’t really feel anything at all there.”

Shiro frowns, but he can feel butterflies raising from his stomach to his chest.

“How come you never said anything?”

“Why don’t you show anyone yours?” 

From anyone else, it might sound rude, but Shiro lets a rough laugh out that echoes through the room. “Touché.”

Lance laughs and then shrugs his shoulders. 

“I guess I’ve just grown really self conscious of them. I know I’m not the most attractive person, and a couple of ugly scars aren’t going to help that.”

Shiro opens his mouth to say something, but the words get lost before they reach his tongue.

“And to be honest,” Lance goes on, “I’m tired of feeling like the only one who can’t carry their own weight around here.” Shiro removes his hand and Lance turns his body to face him, but he can’t quite meet his eyes. “Knowing they’re there is enough of a reminder.” 

“Lance,” Shiro finally speaks up. “I’m going to say a few things and they are nothing but truth so I want you to listen.” Lance looks up at him with wide eyes. “You have to know this, know that I appreciate you for you. What you bring to us as a paladin of Voltron, but more importantly as a friend and human being, is important, and we all value it and care about you.”

Shiro pauses. 

_ Do I say it?  _ he wonders. 

“Shiro you don’t have to–”

_ I do. _

“I care about you,” Shiro cuts him off. “I always have. Maybe…” Shiro feels sweat beating down his forehead. “Maybe even more now than I did before.” 

For so long Shiro saw Lance as so young, but seeing him now, he sees how much he’s emotionally aged, and it barely hits him now that he only has but a few years on him. He’s watched Lance grow so much in their short time together.

Shiro stares at Lance’s lips, waiting for a response. He doesn’t realize Lance is crying until he sniffles. 

“Why are you crying?” Shiro asks him, wiping a tear away from his cheek.

Lance shrugs his shoulder. “I used to see you as my hero,” he starts.

“Do you not anymore?” Shiro teases. Lance chuckles in response.

“I do, but it’s more than that now. I think a while ago my crush–” Shiro’s heart skips a beat on the word, “–on you stopped being so focussed on this ideal of you, and I started to actually like you for you. You mean more to me than just some role model. You’ve shown time and time again that you really care. Hearing you say all this...” He trails off, not knowing how to continue without embarrassing himself even further.

“You like me?”

Lance laughs loud and with his chest.

“You mean to tell me it wasn’t obvious?” 

The urge to kiss him tears through Shiro and he has his hand on the back of Lance’s neck before he can think of a reason not to. 

He freezes, his lips just a brush away from touching Lance’s.

“You need to tell me if you don’t want this,” he presses.

“I started wanting this the second Allura told me you helped save my ass on Arus,” Lance responds. 

“Arus? Why the hell did it take me so–? Holy fu–”

Lance beats him to the punch and presses their lips together. It’s messy and desperate and Shiro wonders how in the fuck Lance lasted so long because Shiro apparently has zero willpower. 

“God, you’re beautiful,” Shiro whispers on the end of a gasping breath.

Out of the corner of eye, he sees Lance’s ears turning a bright red. Lance pulls away and looks up at him. 

“You actually like me, right? This isn’t some pity thing? Or– or some need to sexually satisfy–”

“Lance.” Shiro looks into Lance’s shining eyes and answers without missing a single beat: “You’re the only one who makes me feel real.”

Apparently that’s all Lance needs to hear because he pulls Shiro in tighter. The push and pull of it all has Shiro pressing Lance back into the shower stall. The water on the floor is still warm and their position brings warmth to other parts of his body too. Shiro’s hand travels down the arch of Lance’s back and it makes him shiver and lose his footing. He almost slips, but Shiro catches him and presses him to the wall with his body, then reaches to catch Lance’s sliding towel. One of Lance’s hand grips his wrist and and another goes to the hem of Shiro’s tank top.

Lance presses his mouth to Shiro’s neck and moans, “You’re too much of a gentleman.”

The towel loosens, but doesn’t completely slip off when Shiro lets go. He can barely think about it with Lance helping him out of his clothes.   
Without missing a beat, Lance pulls the glass door shut, tossing the clothes and towel out of the stall. Lance settles back into the position they were in a moment ago, but this time he widens his stance and Shiro’s legs fill the gaps.    
Lance moves his own leg, rubbing on Shiro and startling a gasp out of him.    
Shiro feels himself blush from his entire chest up.    
He feels breathless as he calls Lance’s name.    
Lance does it again and Shiro moans this time.    
“W–Wait,” Shiro falters. He moves his hand from Lance’s side to his chest. He presses there for a moment and feels Lance’s heart racing, much like his own.    
“Are you okay?” Lance questions. “Holy shit, is  _ this _ okay?”   
Shiro laughs and presses his forehead to Lance’s.   
“This is very much okay,” he confirms. “I just– I haven’t done this–  _ anything _ really– in a long time.”    
“Then we won’t fuck–” Shiro curses to himself as his stomach does flips, “–but I’d very much like to get you off.”    
Shiro is so flustered that all he can do is nod, and suddenly it’s like a missing puzzle piece has just slid into its rightful place.

 

They lie in bed after, showered, but still naked. Lance is drawing circles on Shiro’s chest as he smiles up at him.

They stay like that for a few blissful hours. 

The next few days lead to sneaking around like junior high kids and the two turn their night talks into night talks-slash-make-out-sessions. (Much to their surprise, everyone already figured they were together when they come forward to tell the team of their relationship.)

The week after that has them beginning their journey home, and Shiro boards Red with Lance. When he speaks into his helmet, he feels no loss when he says, “Lead the way, Keith.” 

Knowing that he has a place among Voltron, Shiro is happy to be following one of his oldest friends, and flying home beside the person he loves. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading :) If any of you read my other Voltron WIP, I'm sorry I haven't updated. My mind is a wandering one.  
> Please leave kudos and comments if you wish and let me know if you think I should add anymore tags!
> 
> Feel free to reach me on my twitter! [@macnstiles](http://www.twitter.com/macnstiles)
> 
> UPDATE: I have [tumblr](http://www.sakurakeith.tumblr.com) now!!


End file.
